I’m a nervous mess sometimes

Tags

classes, Dating, Nervous, Relationships, Russian, school

Today I have my first russian class of the quarter and I am terrified. Okay, terrified might be an exaggeration, but I am really not looking forward to it. I know that I am going to be the worst in my class. Eek! Of course, I know that I will freeze in class today and it will most likely be more than once. It’s not my fault I get so nervous. It only ever happens with russian related things. Am I being a big baby about this? Well, maybe but still it’s hard.

Something else that makes me nervous is guys. There is a guy that I like but I’m pretty sure that he does not feel that same. That’s fine with me because right now just having a crush is enough for me. I want to be single for a big longer before I start a new relationship with anyone. This is guy though, lets just call him BB, he just makes me feel like a middle school girl with a giant crush on a boy. I get all nervous and I don’t know what to say. It’s not cute because when I get nervous I can get weird and awkward. Not cute. Also I really enjoy talking to him and I don’t want to ruin our friendship. We might not be the closest of friends but I still don’t want to lose him as a friend. If we are only meant to be friends then that’s fine.

When I first met him I had a crush on him and then when we recently started talking again I started to like him again. Part of me thinks that is a sign that maybe I should pursue this but at the same time I don’t want to complicate things.

I should go get ready for class. This class is 50 mins long and that is 50 mins too long. I’m going to talk to my professor because I feel that maybe I am not ready to be in the third year russian class. Please have mercy on me, Larry (that’s my professor).

I’m going to murder a potato!

Tags

frustration, Grammer, language, postaday, Potatoes, Russia, Russian, St. Petersburg, Study Abroad

Last night, I had a bit of a meltdown while doing my russian grammer homework. I didn’t understand it and the grammer book wasn’t helpful. I tried to understand it. I tried and tried but still nothing. Then I started to cry. Yea, I know that I sound like a big baby but let me explain. When I get really really frustrated,  I cry. I don’t know why but the tears just come out. At that point, I just wanted to quit and go to bed.

However, I did not allow myself to go to bed because I refuse to let this language beat me. I will conquer it and one day, hopefully, I can say that I’m fluent. Until then, I will most likely have frustrating moments similar to last night.

I feel like I need to explain the title of this post so here goes. Last night because I was frustrated I kept saying “I’m going to murder a potato”. Why a potato? Well because potatoes and I now have a love hate relationship. Since I eat them a lot now, I’ve grown to loath them. However, I know that I still love them just not when I loath them. During one of my loathing rants to one of my friends about potatoes, I used that phrase. Now I just use it for everything that angers me.

Every time I say it, I think of a murdered potato. It’s all mashed up and it makes me feel a little better.

Bye! Пока!

Well aren’t you a sweetheart!

Tags

Host Family, language, postaday, Russia, Russian, St. Petersburg, Study Abroad

Every night my host mom helps me with my russian because she is just a sweet person. The program does not pay her extra to help me but still she does when all that she has to do is feed me and shelter me. However, she genuinely wants me to improve my russian so she takes time out of her day to help me. Today we did some tongue twisters like Шла Саша по шоссе и сосала сушку and Мама мыла Милу мылом, Мила мыло не любила. Then we went over some vocabulary words and finally she corrected some of my homework. She is such a sweetheart. I am so grateful that I had the opportunity to meet her and to live with her. My host mom is awesome.

If there was an award for best host mom in St. Petersburgs, Russia, she would win. I would make sure she won.

About my day

Tags

Bad day, classes, Dracula, Host Family, language, Modern Family, Personal, Relationships, Russia, Russian, school, Skype, St. Petersburg, Study Abroad, Thoughts

Сегодния ужасный день. Почему? Потому что я говорю по русскии ОЧЕНЬ плохой! Я не могу. Я не понимаю. Я не помню слова по русскии. Мне не нравится разговор класс.

I know there are several grammatical mistakes in that but eh. So today was a bad day. I don’t fully understand what is going on in class. I know that I am at the bottom of the class when it comes to Russian. Everyone is better than me and it is clearly evident to the whole class. I’m horrible and everything synonymous with that. It’s bad. I know. I’ve learn so much but nothing ever sticks and everything is forgotten. Walking home, I felt so miserable and I wanted to cry. To cheer myself up I bought this little slice of пицца с баконом (pizza with bacon) and watched Modern Family. That only made me feel slightly better.

Overall it was just a bad day. I wish I was better at this damn language and I kind of felt like quitting it all earlier. Desperately, I wanted to go home earlier but that urge seems to have disappeared…for now. Right before starting this post, I was chitchatting with my boyfriend on Skype and it was great to hear his voice. Of course, I told him about my day and I felt a lot better. He always makes me feel better.

I need a pocket sized Leo (my boyfriend’s name), so I always have someone to cheer me up.

Things will get better. I dedicate more time to studying new words and I practice with my host mom. Progress is slow but it’s better than none. I was actually surprised at how fast I wrote that little tidbit in Russian in the beginning of this post.

Well I am off to studying some more and then curling up in bed to read Dracula with my stuffed animal, Little Labbit. He is my bed buddy.

Grammer

Tags

Grammer, postaday2011, Russian

I have a Russian grammer test tomorrow and I’m just lost. I’m tired and I want to go to bed. Right now, I’m just feeling defeated but tomorrow will be a better day.

The Power of a Cookie

Tags

Cookies, Cyrillic, Host Family, name, postaday2011, Russian

The other day I realized that I have been spelling my name wrong in Russian. All it took for me to realize it was some delicious cookies. How did these cookies help me realize that?

The cookies are called Эсмеральда (Esmeralda). My host mom showed me the cookies when we were having tea after dinner and asked me if I knew what it said. I got happy because it was my name but then I saw the mjakhkij znak (ь) and I asked her about it. My host sister said that it was always spelled like that and thus I realized I’ve been misspelling my name for about a year now. Yes, I felt pretty stupid but no one ever corrected me. In fact, my professor taught me how to spell my name in Cyrillic the first day I started taking Russian last year. I’ve just been spelling it the way he taught me. It was very tragic to realize all of this and I don’t know if I can recover. Then of course my host mom asked if I wanted a cookie and the world was all ponies and rainbows once again. Never underestimate the power of a cookie.

Quiz tomorrow

Tags

postaday2011, quiz, Russian

I have a quiz on professions tomorrow in Russian and I really need to study. I feel like I have so much to do but I really don’t. Sorry, that I didn’t get a chance to post this earlier but it’s only 6 mins past 12. Okay, I probably could have done this earlier but I forgot.

You know that feeling when…

Tags

cafeteria, croissants, overpriced, postaday2011, Russian

Yesterday I did some shopping at a little market and I bought some junk food. Sometimes I just want to snack on something but I don’t want to take away my host families food. So this is what I bought…..

1. some fruity gummy candy that taste okay
2. Русская Kартошка which are chips. The brand just means Russian potato.
3. A Kinder chocolate bar which was delicious.
4. This bag of mini croissants filled with vanilla.

I must resist to not eat the whole bag.

These little croissants are called мини кроссанты in Russian and they are do yummy. I discovered them at the cafeteria at our school and I’ve been addicted to them since then. Yesterday, I saw a bag of them at the market and I decided to buy them. It was then that I realized that I was being overcharged at the cafeteria. If I buy a bag of them at the cafeteria, it cost 45 rubles for a small bag. The big bag I bought also costs 45 rubles. Don’t you hate that feeling when you know you’ve been over paying for something. It’s just the worst thinking something was a good deal but then it turns out that it was really a horrible deal. Damn you cafeteria and your overprices. Lucky, I don’t normally buy much from you so I don’t feel too bad.

Safely Home

Tags

postaday2011, Russian, school, Smolny Catherdal

Today, I went to school, which is located at Smolny Cathedral, to take a placement test, which I probably did horribly on. Then we took a tour of our small corner of the campus. It’s beautiful. I love the pale blue and white color combination. After wards, part of the group walked around to see different places to eat and back to the metro station. Many students bought their metro passes there but I did not because I was not carrying enough money to buy it. I’ll buy it tomorrow.

Then a small group of us went to a small cafe to grab some lunch and to connect to Wifi. When I got a menu, my eyes widened because I realized that I could not understand a lot of it because it was in Russian. I wanted a sandwich but I settled for a бутерброд, which is like a half a sandwich. It only has one piece of bread. Also I had some chicken soup. When the бутерброд with sausage arrived at my table, I was surprised to see that it was so small. It was very yummy but the soup was not too great. While I was eating, I kept eyeing the desserts because they looked so delicious and I have a giant sweet tooth.

It was time to go home and I was a little nervous because it was my first time going home by myself. I look at the different maps several times to make sure I was on the right train. Then I made it home and I am glad I did. I’m proud of myself for not getting lost. Pat on the back, Esmi.

Tomorrow is the first day of classes so that should be interesting. The first class of the day is History, followed by Russian, and finally my civilization class.