Being home has definitely been very odd. I’m still not use to it. Most of the time I feel frustrated to be here. When I say here, I mean being under my parent’s roof with my brothers. Of course there are good things about living with them but I want a place of my own. I want my own space. I need my own space. It drives me crazy to not be able to have a place where I can be by myself. I enjoy being alone sometimes. It’s nice.
One thing that is going to take time to get use to is being single. I’ve mention before that my boyfriend and I were having problems and I decided to break up with him. No, I’m not crying my heart out and eating a pint of ice cream while I listen to Adele. However, I have been thinking a lot more. I feel a bit bad that I don’t feel very sad because I feel like I should feel sadder than I am. I’m not for some reason. Maybe it hasn’t really sinked in or maybe it is because I’ve been thinking if break up was what was best for us for a while. I do feel bad that I couldn’t figure out if breaking up with him is what I really wanted.
I feel like I was just stringing him along until I came back. He waited for me to figure out what I wanted and I feel bad that it took me so long to figure it out. I don’t harbor any bad feelings towards him and I still care about him deeply. We just didn’t work the way it is suppose to be.
Now all we have to do is move forward because we can’t move backwards. Life isn’t a board game. Life is life.