Today it was hot. It was in the high 80s and that was not cool. I have to walk everywhere here and I don’t like being in the sun. I’m going to tan walking in the sun everywhere and I know my mom will not be happy about that when I go home this weekend. I’m too tired to explain why she would be mad but maybe in another post (someday).

Alright I just took a big break to make dinner and eat. Then I just got distracted. When I say make dinner I mean call my mom. She then asks me what ingredients I have and then she tells me what I can make. Then she tells me what to do and I end up calling her about 3-4 times while I make dinner. Yea, that is me making dinner. I made chicken tonight with potatoes and bell peppers. I think I put too much pepper in the chicken though because it was spicy. At least I learned for next time. Also I hope I cooked the chicken all the way through because I don’t want to get sick. It’s been about an hour since I ate and I still feel fine. Although it would be really funny if I got sick off something I cooked.

Please, tummy don’t get all sick. It’s my first time cooking chicken. Please, understand. I’ll buy you a thermometer for next time. It can be your early Thanksgiving present. I know how much you look forward to Thanksgiving. You know I wouldn’t purposely hurt you. Love you!!!! -Esme

Did I mention that I am taking a kickboxing class? I probably didn’t but I am. I’m excited. My friend told me that it will kick my butt and get me into shape. I hope it does. She is also excited to see me do physical activity because she can’t picture me doing any. One time I ran in front of her and she laughed at me because she had never seen me run. To be honest, I feel weird doing physical activity in front of people. I don’t know why though.

When I have to do physical activity in front of others, I become very aware of my body for some reason and I get self-conscious. It’s weird. I don’t understand it but I guess it might be because I don’t normally do physical activity. The most physical activity that I do is walking everywhere. I’m not very active but I want to change that this year.

Now it is time for me to shower and do something productive. As much was I just want to watch movies and Netflix all day, I can’t

Last night I went out with friends and I had me a good time. I have never been to the bars here by my school because I wasn’t 21 but now I can go to bars. I met up with some friends at a bar called Study Hall and I ordered myself a Guinness. My friend was kind and paid for me. We stayed at the bar for a bit and then went to a friend’s apartment to play beer pong.

I’m not a fan of beer pong for several reasons. 1) I’m absolutely terrible. I can’t throw. The whole game I made like 2 cups. It’s embarrassing. 2) I am well aware of how much alcohol I can have and beer pong will get me drunk. I like beer but beer does not like me so I just like to be careful. 3)Beer pong is such an unsanitary game. It’s gross. The ball goes everywhere and everyone touches it with their dirty hands. It makes me cringe a bit. Also the first time I ever played beer pong I got sick and it was not fun. Even though I don’t like beer pong I will still play it now and then. However, I have a rule that I will only ever play one game of beer pong per night.

The one beer pong game I did play, I lost. My partner and I, were doing terrible. We made no cups in the beginning and the other team kept making their cups. Near the end though my partner kept making cups which was great because  we didn’t have to drink as much at the end. Throughout the whole game, I made 2-3 cups. Of course, we lost but it was a fun game. Then it was time to go home.

My friends were really nice and walked me home because I live kind of far from things. I would have been fine walking back by myself because I wasn’t drunk. At first I didn’t want them to walk me because it’s out of their way. However, I am thankful that they care about my safety.

I ended my night by drinking lots of water and going to bed.

Something else that makes me nervous is guys. There is a guy that I like but I’m pretty sure that he does not feel that same. That’s fine with me because right now just having a crush is enough for me. I want to be single for a big longer before I start a new relationship with anyone. This is guy though, lets just call him BB, he just makes me feel like a middle school girl with a giant crush on a boy. I get all nervous and I don’t know what to say. It’s not cute because when I get nervous I can get weird and awkward. Not cute. Also I really enjoy talking to him and I don’t want to ruin our friendship. We might not be the closest of friends but I still don’t want to lose him as a friend. If we are only meant to be friends then that’s fine.

When I first met him I had a crush on him and then when we recently started talking again I started to like him again. Part of me thinks that is a sign that maybe I should pursue this but at the same time I don’t want to complicate things.

I should go get ready for class. This class is 50 mins long and that is 50 mins too long. I’m going to talk to my professor because I feel that maybe I am not ready to be in the third year russian class. Please have mercy on me, Larry (that’s my professor).

On the way back, I accidentally went to the wrong bus stop so I took the wrong bus. Luckily,  this bus stopped near my apartments so it wasn’t so bad. After putting everything in the fridge, I called my mom to ask her to to make something and I did the prep work for it. My bell peppers are cut so when I get home from class I just have to cook everything, which hopefully will not take too long. Looking forward to dinner tonight!

Alrighty, enough about food. Today is the first day of classes!!! Whoooo! I am kind of excited! My first class today is at 5PM so I am just killing time right now. My first class of the quarter is Chicano Studies 184A, which is a literature course. Should be cool. I like to read and a need to fullfil requirements. I have about an hour before class so maybe I’ll just watch some TV. For the last couple of days I have been watching 30 Rock and I love it. It is such a good show. Ya’ll should go watch it.

Until tomorrow my dear little blog!

When I got back home I realized that I did a terrible job of buying groceries.I don’t know how to cook so  I had no idea what I was doing or what I should buy. Should I buy that giant sack of potatoes at Costco? Also why did I go to Costco? I ended up with to much food that It might go bad. Why did I buy milk at Costco? I love milk but I am not going to finish all that milk. It’s just not going to happen. I think that I’m going to be living off fruit for the next few days. There are no vegetables in my refrigerator. I mean there are some but they do not belong to me. Also I bought no meat.  I guess I’ll be a vegetarian. No, but really it is terrible. I will learn how to cook (at some point).

I have been telling myself to read more russian literature because I have not read much russian literature. This is the first book by Tolstoy I am reading and then I guess I’ll read Pushkin or Dostoevsky.

On a different note, a couple of weeks ago I signed up to be an EAP Welcome Buddy for exchange students who will be studying at UCSB. The exchange student that I was paired up and she is from Potsdam, Germany. In her little self-introduction to me she said that she likes to go to the gym and to run, which is great! Maybe we can be running buddies or something. She is arriving in Santa Barbara a lot earlier than I am so I feel a little bad that I can’t help her out once she gets there. I’m sure that she will be fine though.

It’s kind of nice to be blogging again. I was wondering what I was going to do with this blog since I’m back but I guess that it will just be a daily life kind of blog of things that I find interesting or that are on my mind.

Now time for some tea.
(Reminder:Buy more tea)

If everything goes as planned, this will be my last year at UCSB. Scary? Yes. Nervous? Yes. Somehow I feel like I have written this before. Maybe I’ve thought it all before. Of course, it will be nice to be back in SB. See some familier faces and meet new people.

This year I will not be living in a dorm but in a university owned apartment. When I first applied for the apartment I did it so I can have a safety net in case I don’t find anywhere else to live. Then I just warmed up to the idea of not having to look for an apartment myself and the fact that I can pay rent quarterly, which is when my financial aid is disbursed. It was the latter that won me over because I love knowing that I don’t have to struggle to pay rent. Also in order to save some money I asked to be put into a triple so there will be five girls in total, including me. It’s not bad at all though. The more the merrier. Unless they’re evil, but what are the chances of that happening?

We have sent a few messages to each other so they do seem nice. The girls that I am not sharing a room with are from the bay area. If I remember correctly they are both transfer students. The girls in my room are from China and Korea. So awesome because I want to go to Korea! I hope we get along and that we can become friends. We still haven’t discussed our living situation or any rules or anything which does have me a little worried.  I just like having some idea of the future and a vague idea of a plan.

I’m tired. Off to bed I go. I don’t know why I am even up this late.

До завтра! Until tomorrow!

I love being home but I miss Russia. Every time one of my friends post something about Russia on Facebook, I miss Russia even more and I wish I was there. On Wednesday, I missed my friend, Amber, because her and I would go have some beers after our classes. Also I miss hearing Russian around me. Sure I didn’t always understand what people around me said but I miss the language. I have not spoken a word of Russian in the last two weeks. That has to change because I don’t like it. I’m still adjusting to being back.

As for being single, well that hasn’t changed. My love life is nonexistent right now. Not that I don’t think about it but it isn’t something that is really important to me. I’ll find someone or someone will find me. For now, I’m keeping busy.

I have a feeling that I’m going to read a lot of books this summer. I love to read but now I have a lot more time on my hands because there is no boyfriend to spend all my time with.  Also I started working out like three days ago and I feel great. It feels good and I’m eating healthier too. It feels great and I feel good. My legs are going to look fantastic which will be great for when I go out with the girls.

Tonight will be a girls night (if the plans are actually made). At first, I didn’t want to go out tonight because the Old Esme in me preferred to just stay in and read. However, after thinking about it for a moment, the Young Esme in me decided that we are going out because we are young. We will dance the night away and we will marry our shoes that will kill our feet.

One thing that is going to take time to get use to is being single. I’ve mention before that my boyfriend and I were having problems and I decided to break up with him. No, I’m not crying my heart out and eating a pint of ice cream while I listen to Adele. However, I have been thinking a lot more. I feel a bit bad that I don’t feel very sad because I feel like I should feel sadder than I am. I’m not for some reason. Maybe it hasn’t really sinked in or maybe it is because I’ve been thinking if break up was what was best for us for a while. I do feel bad that I couldn’t figure out if breaking up with him is what I really wanted. 

I feel like I was just stringing him along until I came back. He waited for me to figure out what I wanted and I feel bad that it took me so long to figure it out. I don’t harbor any bad feelings towards him and I still care about him deeply. We just didn’t work the way it is suppose to be. 

Now all we have to do is move forward because we can’t move backwards. Life isn’t a board game. Life is life.